


This sad life of ours

by Vault_Emblem



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Children, Crying, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, FE Rarepair Exchange, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route Spoilers, Follows Felix and Ingrid BE ending, Heavy mentions of Glenn, Kissing, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Black Eagles Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21941575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vault_Emblem/pseuds/Vault_Emblem
Summary: Felix cannot handle sitting idly as Duke Fraldarius, so he leaves; he wasn't expecting Ingrid to follow him, but she won't be moved.How will the manage their new life as mercenaries? And how will they come to terms with their feelings for each other?Is it right of them to start something new together or is Glenn's shadow going to follow them to the tomb?
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Ingrid Brandl Galatea
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41
Collections: Fire Emblem Rare Pair Christmas Exchange 2019





	This sad life of ours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OhMistakeShiny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhMistakeShiny/gifts).



> Happy holidays, OhMistakeShiny! I hope you'll have fun and many good times.  
> Enjoy this fic I've written for you. I hope you like it! I had fun writing this; consider that I was planning to make it shorter than it actually is, but words just kept flowing and I couldn't stop them.

Felix hadn’t really thought about it when he decided to renounce to his title. The Kingdom was dead, so why even bother with this bullshit?

He was haunted – yes, as much as he tried not to be, he couldn’t deny the obvious – and he knew that a life of privilege isolated inside a castle wouldn’t sit right with him.

The only moments when he didn’t think were when he brandished a blade, but he couldn’t do it if he sat his ass in his office to take care of the pile of useless documents he had to sign. No, he needed to flee.

He couldn’t do this anymore.

When he announced to everyone that he was living, he did so after he had already gathered the few things he needed for the road. It was during dinner with Sylvain and Ingrid.

“What?”, Sylvain said, “What do you mean, you’re leaving?”.

“Exactly what I said”, came the brusque reply from Felix.

“But--”.

“I won’t be repeating myself. _Tonight I leave_ ”.

Nothing could make him change his mind, not even Sylvain’s desperate pleas.

As for Ingrid… she unexpectedly talked little; it was as if she knew this was going to happen someday, and at least she had the good sense of not trying to make him change his mind. Felix really didn’t want to fight with her, so he was glad she stayed silent.

… And then she stood up, muttering an excuse about something she forgot to do, and with that she was gone, leaving both Felix and Sylvain wondering what the hell just happened.

It was only when Felix had finally put some distance between himself and the castle that he came to know what Ingrid was doing.

He wanted to say his goodbyes, but he hadn’t been able to find her anywhere; it was like she had vanished. Maybe she didn’t want to see him, maybe she had been offended by the fact that he was leaving – and honestly he couldn’t blame her – so she had hidden away from him and his poor excuses.

It was probably for the best: if she said something, who knew if Felix would’ve been able to actually leave.

Thinking about her disappointed look was making him regret this entire thing, but he wasn’t going to turn tail and go back, no. He couldn’t…

He was brought back to reality by the sound of wings flapping in the air, and when he raised his gaze, Ingrid was hovering over him.

“Ingrid! What are you doing?”.

“What does it look like?”, her voice sounded rough, as if she was just crying, “I’m coming with you”.

At that Felix let out a surprised noise.

“What do you mean?”.

“What I just said of course. Don’t let me repeat myself”.

“You can’t--”.

No, it was all wrong. She couldn’t come with him: this was his and only his path to walk; he wasn’t supposed to have company!

She… she deserved so much more than this, she deserved so much more than a broken man like him.

“Go back”, he said then, with the harshest voice he could manage. It didn’t matter if he broke her heart, she had to go back.

“You won’t change my mind, Felix”, was Ingrid’s reply, “I’ve made my decision”.

Always stubborn. Was Felix going to resort to begging? Was he really going to do that?

“Ingrid--”.

_“Felix, please”._

Turns out, Ingrid was the one who was going to resort to begging.

… Damn it! It wasn’t like Felix could resist her, could he?

“Ok, whatever”, he sighed, “Do what you want”.

Despite everything, he couldn’t be happier that she chose to come with him, because that’s what she did: she _chose_ on her own volition to follow him.

Nobody forced her, or at least Felix hoped so: he wouldn’t help but to be a little disappointed if it was just some sort of sense of duty what moved her.

He knew it was selfish but… at least like this he could pretend that there was more between them that there had ever been between her and Glenn.

It always came down to him, didn’t it? Always looming around, his shadow.

Felix didn’t remember a moment in which he felt less like Glenn’s brother and more like himself.

Ingrid only made things more complicated: Felix had no idea when it started, but he knew how guilty he felt when he realized how deeply he had fallen for her. She had been Glenn’s fiancée, what right did he have to want her for himself?

He kept telling himself that there was no point accounting for the dead like this, but as time went by he was finding that harder and harder to do.

And to think that he used to hate Dimitri for conducting that same exact behaviour.

How pathetic he was.

In the end, Ingrid’s presence had been a godsend, as Felix didn’t exactly have a clear idea of what to do; he only knew that he needed to run away as far as he could.

They settled with selling their blades to the best bidder. Even as the Empire had conquered all of Fódlan in fact, skirmishes were still a reality in some regions, and that was exactly what they needed.

Felix hadn’t been the only one in desperate need of it, though it seemed that Ingrid felt less guilty than he did, as she didn’t feel like she had completely betrayed her ideals: a world without Crests was a just world, even if she had to fight many of her old friends for this purpose, even if she had to betray her homeland.

Why did she follow Felix, then? Simple: she knew the path he wanted to walk would bring him to ruin, and she couldn’t allow that, but there was more to that.

It was more than just a simple sense of duty: Ingrid genuinely cared about him and she couldn’t allow him to waste his life like that, if she could help it.

What would’ve Glenn said if he saw the way he left his brother, after all?

Right… Glenn.

Ingrid couldn’t deny how much her thoughts would come back to him from time to time. And how could she not? Growing up, Felix had become more and more like him; it was like having him again, only that, of course, it wasn’t really him.

Maybe that was also the reason why she followed him, as guilty as that made her feel, because she shouldn’t let Glenn overshadow Felix like this, but her heart wouldn’t listen to her.

They made a point to avoid Fearghus’ old territories.

They would only dig up unpleasant memories; there was no point in going there.

Besides, how many people would’ve screamed “traitors!” at their passing?

As much as they wanted to believe they were stronger than that, they would’ve both handled it poorly.

Sometimes, when they set camp, one of the two would get lost in their thoughts, staring at the fire. Felix would furrow his brow, while Ingrid’s lower lip would begin to quiver.

Every time, the same thing happened: the other, after setting everything up, would scout closer, taking their hands so hard to bruise, but that pain was necessary to ground them, to remind them that they were alive and they should act as such.

Sometimes they would crush each other in a hug, sometimes, though they never liked talking about it and in fact never did, they cried.

There was something about crying together…

It made them feel less alone.

Kissing was inevitable. They didn’t remember why it happened, the first time, but they clung to each other like their lives depended on it, trying to get as much contact as humanly possible.

So, could they still feel close to another human being? It seemed the case.

When they pulled away, as she opened her eyes, Ingrid saw Glenn, if only for a moment. She even almost called for him, but no, it was Felix the one in front of her.

That wasn’t right of her. She had no rights of claiming him too.

Felix wasn’t a replacement for Glenn, she kept telling herself, their relationship was entirely different, she kept telling herself, they had lived through so much together that her vision of him was much different from her vision of Glenn, she kept telling herself… but was it really true?

Even Felix couldn’t help but to ask himself that.

Ingrid looked like she was in some sort of trance, and Felix regretted everything that led to that moment.

What was she thinking about? Was she thinking about Glenn? She must’ve been.

He was aware that he was never going to be free from his shadow, but he had hoped that… that he could… at least with her…

They never spoke of it.

Unfortunately for them, that event seemed to be stuck in their minds, as both of them thought about it constantly, to the point that it was beginning to become a distraction and, in their line of work, distraction was fatal.

Felix should’ve seen the fighter coming, but he still wasn’t able to dodge him as he slashed him right on the chest.

He fell on the ground, head pulsating from the pain, unable to do anything.

If Ingrid hadn’t been there, he would’ve died.

She impaled the aggressor with such strength that the point of her lance pierced through him entirely, its point red with blood, but she didn’t have the time to revel in such gruesome kill.

She was immediately at Felix’s side, calling for help. There were some healers in the group they were assigned to for patrolling the outside of the village, so there was no need to worry… and yet Ingrid couldn’t help shaking, grabbing Felix’s hand – by the Goddess he was so cold – and keeping muttering “Please don’t leave me, please don’t leave me”.

The relief she felt once Felix got stabilized was immense.

If she lost him too… she knew she wouldn’t have been able to handle it; she had already lost so much, she didn’t want to lose him too.

No, she couldn’t.

That night, in the privacy of the inn they were staying in, they kissed again, driven by desperation as neither of them had still recovered from the scare of that day.

This time, Glenn was the last of their thoughts as they focused on the other, Ingrid on the scarred wound on Felix’s chest and Felix on Ingrid’s eyes.

For once, he felt like she was _really_ looking at him, and he would’ve been a fool if he didn’t seize that chance.

Come morning, they were still in bed, Felix’s bed to be precise.

They could take it a bit easier that day, given that Felix needed to rest. They spent time in a companionable silence, tight in each other arms, enjoying the warm closeness between them.

They still felt a shadow looming over them, but that day they paid it no mind.

Felix almost died, but he was still there thanks to Ingrid.

In the end, he was glad she came with him.

_“Ingrid…”._

_“What?”._

_“Thank you. For being here”._

_“Of course, Felix”._

“Do you think he’d hate us?”.

Felix turned towards Ingrid, sending her a questioning glare.

They had ditched her pegasus long ago – it was too expensive to take care of it – so it was weird seeing her riding at his side on a regular horse, but at least being this close meant that they could fill the silence with some casual conversation.

That, however, didn’t seem like any casual conversation, so Felix braced himself for something that was probably going to be pretty exhausting.

“Glenn”.

_“Ah”._

Felix knew he wasn’t going to like that conversation’s topic, and he was right.

He sighs, looking ahead of him, and he couldn’t help a frown to form on his face.

“I don’t know. I never thought about it”.

It was a complete lie and they both knew it: Felix used to pride himself on not being someone tied up to his past, but of course that was only a farce. He was a victim of emotions like everybody else and, if anything, he probably did a lot more moping than the average person.

 _“Felix”_ , Ingrid called him out, knowing that he was lying, making him sigh.

“Maybe? I don’t know what you want me to tell you”, he said then, “He always pushed us to do what we believe in, didn’t he? So it’d be stupid of him to hate us for doing exactly that”.

There was a lot more to it and they both knew it.

Felix couldn’t deny having entertained the possibility that maybe Glenn would’ve even joined them. He had strong morals and he doubted the boar would have had a positive impact on him, but who knew; surely Rodrigue could handle one son abandoning the cause, but two? He would’ve been furious.

Felix would’ve lied if he said that he didn’t like the idea of fighting by his brother’s side, but he also had to be realistic: as much as he believed Glenn to have his morals, he doubted he would’ve left his country.

So yeah, he would’ve probably hated them. But Ingrid didn’t need to know that: he could carry the weight for the both of them.

“Good thing he’s dead already”, he said then, only to regret it immediately.

The atmosphere had soured immediately between them in fact. Felix only hoped that it wasn’t going to lead to an argument, because he didn’t believe to have enough energy to deal with that now.

“I suppose you’re right”, came Ingrid’s reply, which took Felix off guard.

He turned his head in fact, looking at her; she was looking at the road in front of her, her face a mask of indifference, but Felix knew that it was all fake.

Oh well, what was he supposed to say?

He cursed himself and his inability to make things better.

“You know I care about you, right, Felix?”.

Ingrid’s voice came out hesitant, too hesitant for Felix’s tastes, and he couldn’t help but to wonder what caused it.

They were simply resting on a bedroll when that came up; sure, it wasn’t exactly comfortable – a bedroll wasn’t made for two people – but they needed that closeness, to be with someone who could understand them.

Felix raised himself on one elbow, looking down at Ingrid even though there was little he could see with the low light.

“Why?”.

“What?”.

“Why are you asking me that?”.

“I just…”, Ingrid begun, but her voice broke off.

Felix stayed silent, his own way of saying “take your time”.

When Ingrid spoke again, she sounded much calmer.

“I just feel like we don’t tell each other that enough”.

… She was right.

Though they both knew they were better at speaking through actions than words, they had taken all this for granted, or had they? It was weird: on one hand the shadows of the past were always looming over them, but on the other they had never taken in consideration the idea that one day this was going to end, that they would’ve gone their separate ways.

This arrangement was comfortable for both of them, even with their slip ups, even with their doubts, even with their bad days.

So maybe yes, they should’ve said that more often, thinking about it.

“I care about you too, Ingrid. A lot”.

That’s more than what he would normally say, but that time it came natural to him.

_“I love you”_ , he wanted to add, but he wasn’t strong enough for that, not yet.

In truth, it was the same for Ingrid.

Today has been a pretty tiring day: there has been a flooding again and Felix and Ingrid have helped the rest of the village with the riverbanks.

It happens more often than not, but it’s all worth it when they get back home and a small figure greets them jumping from joy at their arrival.

“Mom! Dad!”.

Ingrid smiles when the small girl – _their daughter_ – runs up to them for a hug.

“Fortuna! How have you been?”, she asks, while Felix ruffles her unruly hair, “Have you been good?”.

“Of course!”, she replies, and Ingrid looks up at the old village lady that always looks after her when they’re busy, and she nods.

“Yes, she’s been very good”, she confirms, “She even helped me tidying up the house”.

“Ain’t that the truth?”, Felix says, his voice much lighter than it’s ever been, “That’s very good to hear, young lady”.

It’s in times like these that Ingrid can’t help but to miss her old privileged life.

Not that she doesn’t enjoy dining with her family – _her family_ – but she really misses those full plates that would be presented to her, plates that she never took too much time to empty.

Not that they are starving; their lives are simple since they settled down here – they couldn’t keep their mercenary life going when they have a daughter in tow – but they aren’t difficult. Ingrid knows that there are people much less lucky than them, but sometimes she can’t help that thought.

She raises her gaze, looking at Felix, and all doubts vanish.

That’s weird: how long as it been since she last thought of Glenn? By now, Felix is much older than he ever was, and even if there’s some family resemblance, he’s grown into his own person – she can see his gaze in Fortuna’s eyes, and she couldn’t be happier about it.

So many things have changed, but they’re both still here, still alive despite everything, and _in love._

It’s weird talking about love after so many years of yearning, confusion and general emotional constipation, but as of now love has become more natural to them.

She looks at Felix and Felix looks at her. They smile at each other.

“Yuk! Gross!”.

“Fortuna, you shouldn’t speak this way”, Ingrid reprimands her, even though she’s smiling.

Before they knew the baby’s gender, they were thinking about naming them Glenn – or even Dimitri, as they thought they both owed him that much at least – but then, to their surprise, it was a girl.

Fortuna is not only a name, but also a wish, a wish that she won’t have to live what they had to go through, that her life will be serene, happy, that she will be lucky.

Of course, she and Felix will always be there for her in case anything happens, guiding her, consoling her. Honestly, she feels like she’d do pretty much anything for her, and she knows that no matter how much he might grumble about it, it’s the same for Felix.

She almost laughs when she and Felix get closer, sharing a quick peck on their lips just to gross her out more, and in fact Fortuna covers her eyes with her hands, even though she’s chuckling.

“I love you”, she whispers to Felix, who smiles and replies.

“I love you too”.


End file.
